Sunday, October 2, 2011

Just Call Me Boof

I'm that girl in the 80's movie. You know which one. I'm Boof from Teen Wolf, I'm Rina from Lucas. I'm that girl that is always fun to hang around with, who is always there with a funny one liner to back you up.  I'm the girl that rarely makes demands.  That is too shy to show you, or tell you how I feel.  Who stands aside while you take her for granted while you have your eyes set on that hot, blonde cheerleader, and who will always be there when she turns you down.  Unfortunately, real life doesn't work that way and usually the blonde cheerleader isn't the worry, it's other shit that's even more insulting.  A hot, blonde cheerleader I could understand. 

I realize that I'm a disadvantage when it comes to dating.  I haven't really ever done it.  I immediately hooked up with my future ex husband at the ripe old age of 15 and never looked back. At 15 you don't have any baggage.  You haven't been hurt by anyone.  Now I'm dealing with people who have baggage that can be as old as my youngest sister.  Myself, included.

 I find myself suddenly thrust into this world.  I feel awkward enough in general life, add a romantic element, and damn I'm fucked.  Logically, I know I'm an attractive girl, and that I have good qualities I bring to the table.  I'm funny, smart, honest, laid back and pretty undemanding. I am  about as "non girl" as you can get, without wearing flannel shirts and Birkenstock sandals. Even with my "non girl" attitude, I dress like a lady, opting for skirts and dresses most the time.  I never show off the tittays or wear anything slutty in general.  I'm pretty go with the flow. I can hold a decent conversation, I can keep up, and I'll listen to your bullshit all day, as long as you reciprocate my need to talk about X-Men (Why? Why? Why do I bring them up so much? It's SOO dorky. SO dorky. But, BOTH SIDES ARE RIGHT!  And only Logan treads the grey area!  See?!? See?!? It's a sickness.)  My downfall is that once I feel comfortable with you is when all this shows up.

I am not good with meeting new people out in the real world, and I'm attracted to men who aren't either.  So, the chances of me, meeting a guy on the street, and either of walking away with a phone number are miniscule, at best.  Once, I went to a club and was with a bunch of girl friends.  There was a guy.  I'll call him Blue Shirt, becuase he had on a blue shirt and that's what we called him all night.  Anyway, Blue Shirt was way interested, and you know, we made the eyes at each other, we awkwardly stood next to each other, we even danced a bit.  Then he left.  He was waiting for me to make a move, and in my head, I'm a girl, YOU do it, asshole and that was that. 

This is the story of my dating life. Don't even get me started on QT guy.  I was near bloated with ice tea by the end of that three month, awkward non flirting fest.

I'm shy and awkward, with the added bonus of being slightly aloof and way cynical.  I made a move ONE time and was soundly rejected.  It was embarrassing, so I get it why guys don't like to make a move, especially the slightly awkward, intellectual types I go for.  Sure, some juice head, with spiked hair, orange skin, and girl sunglasses ( THOSE ARE GIRL SUNGLASSES, ASSHOLE I don't care what they fuck they wear on Jersey Shore) can make a move, but I would immediately shut them down.  Then, they'd be all "Well, you're not cute enough to tell me no." and then I'd be all "Well, you just got turned down by an ugly girl then, sucks to be you, Homie."   Then we'd dance fight and it would be epic.

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