The best thing about having your own blog is that you can say whatever the hell you want in it. I can be as vain and self centered as I want in this thing, because it's my own vehicle to make me feel important and special. Would you expect anything less from someone who OWNS A BLOG?!? The word "blog" actually comes from the Ioway tribe's word "bloggia" that means "big blow hard who has nothing better to do" I'm not lying, but um.. don't google it.
One of the best compliments I ever got was "I had never seen a girl who dressed like that before, who had that style, and I was like WHOA and it made me nervous." Isn't that a great compliment? As a fairly attractive woman, who happens to ooze an insane amount of sex appeal (What? Well, I DO!) I've heard my fair share of compliments. Mainly 'You're hot" or "You're smokin' hot" or "You're so damn smokin' hot" or "Damn you're so sexy." Of course, I get the generic "You look nice." or whatever. But, I'm actually to the point of getting insulted by the word hot. Hot means "I want to get in your hot panties." and I'm kind of sick of it. Yes, yes I know. My diamond shoes are too tight and my purse is too small to cram all these $100 bills into it. Oh boo hoo. she's whining about being called "hot".
Once, I was told that I was "So damn cute" and I was kind of embarrassed by how giggly this made me. I realized that I've never been called "cute" by someone before and it hasn't happened since. Even I know that I'm not, by definition, "cute". This is not me being down on myself. I'm more...well anything I say right here makes me sound like an arrogant asshole. So, I'll explain why I'm not cute. Cute, is like bubbly and petite and heartbreaking adorable and it makes you want to care and protect and handle with kid gloves. I'm none of those things and I'm ok with that. So, to know someone saw me, in that moment, as cute. Well, it just went right to my ovaries and spoke to me in a way I never thought it could.
I've been told I LOOK cute. I've had people say something I've DONE is cute, and I've had cute used as a form of sarcasm, as in "Awww look at you developing feelings for me, isn't that cute?" (for the record, I WASN'T and it STILL HURT.) Actually, if you had asked me what I would think if a man called me cute, I'd probably roll my eyes and say "gross". What is this? The '50s?
So, to be called cute and be all giggly and eyelash fluttery and blushing was kind of shocking. Yet, fun. It's very rare when a man can make me feel like I want to be girly, because even though I know it's ridiculous, I can't help equating girly with vapid and stupid. That's wrong on my part for sure, and I also feel like I'm not allowing a part of myself out of the bag. I enjoy my femininity, but I don't know if I'm enjoying it to it's fullest extent. I wonder if I allow my pride in being a smart girl to squash the cute girl that might need to show herself more so that she can enjoy rainbows and ponies and stickers and myspace.com.