Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Hunger Games

I was just taken out on a date by my friend, Kris.  It was a girl date and it was so sweet of her to treat me.  I had such a great time!  I was expecting to eat something totally giryl like... fruit and cheese, but she was totally down for burgers at Red Robin.  Then, we went and watched The Hunger Games.

I have left the theater in tears on more than one occasion when I've watched a movie based on a book I love.  The Queen of the Damned and Memoirs of a Geisha, to name two.  After Memoirs of a Geisha, I kind of avoided movies made from books I liked.  They were always disappointing.  Even the Harry Potter movies.  Don't get me freaking started on the Percy Jackson movie.

The Hunger Games was pretty good.  I didn't leave the movie frustrated or disappointed.  There is really only one scene from the book I missed, which was the scene when Katniss is starving and the people of District 11 scrape up money to send her bread.  I felt it was important because it was mentioned that was the first time a District sponsored another tribute.  Also, I don't think they really stressed that people were STARVING in the districts, the outlying districts especially.  Katniss hunted because she had to feed her family and she did it because she almost died from starvation.  They show Peeta giving Katniss the burnt bread, but they don't show WHY.  From the movie, it seems he gave her the burnt bread because she was sitting in the rain.  She was sitting in the rain because she had basically given up and she had fallen on  that spot and couldn't get back up, weak with hunger.  He burnt the bread on purpose, getting beaten by his mother for doing so, and then gave her that bread.  That bread gave her hope and the next day she started to hunt.  Rue was from district 11, the farming district, yet she often went to bed hungry.

When I try to explain the book to people "There is this game see?  And each district has to give 2 tributes to fight to the death on tv.  Oh the tributes are kids." people always give me a weird look. Especially after mentioning that it's a Young Adult book.  Seeing the violence on the big screen was pretty disturbing.  Even though I knew Cato snaps that kid's neck, seeing it happen made me cringe.  I knew there was a bloodbath at the Cornicopia, seeing it made me feel queasy. 

There were also elements that they added that I liked.  I'm usually a stickler about a movie never straying from the book, but I liked that they added the scenes of the game control room, even though watching them torture kids with a smile on their face was disturbing.  I also liked that the dogs were regular dogs, not Capital Mutts, made to look like the dead tributes.  That, by fa,r was the most disturbing part of the book to me.

Overall, they did a phenominal job. I realize that there could have been so much more backstory, but it's hard to do. The movie was alreayd 2.5 hours long!!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

If I Said I Want Your Body Now, Would You Hold it Against Me?

Aislinn and I got into a discussion about Britney Spears the other day.  Try as I may to truly HATE Britney Spears, darn it to heck, I just can't do it.  Her personal life aside, her music is just pure fun and I love every song that comes on the radio by her, old or new.  Aislinn prefers "old" Britney.  She's not even old enough to remember "Old Britney".  It was a cool conversation though.

Anyway, so I've been kind of dabbling over on a few dating sites, but I can't even begin to tell you why.  I just feel like I'm going to find a new guy the old fashioned way, face to face.  Most men won't make the first moves, and the ones that do are usually assholes.  I just don't feel like convincing someone they should like me and that's what I feel like I'm doing on these sites.

I've mentioned this before, but I'm just not impressed.  I want someone to impress me.  Not, like.. in a financial way, or in an achievements way.  I want to be impressed by their personality and their manners.  I don't want to be swept off my feet, but I'd like it if a guy liked to be with me because I was fun, not because it's better to be with me than alone. 

An old flame contacted me to go out with him this weekend.  I said no, mainly because I know he doesn't really like ME. He doesn't like being alone.  I haven't spoken to him in about six months, save one email back and forth and he E-MAILED me to ask me out on a date.  On a Sunday, when he knows I have kids, to go see a musical performer he is obsessed with.  Not out to a dinner to get maybe get to know each other again but to a loud concert where we can't even talk.  He didn't even ask how I was doing or anything.   It's like he didn't even want to try. He didn't want to make an effort.  He just knew I was free and he needed someone to go with him.

No thank you.

What amazes me is that so many of my friends are like "Oh! You should go!" and that pisses me off more.  As if some man who treats me as an afterthought is such a great catch.  Why? Becasue he is breathing? 

I guess I'll know him when I see him and that will be that.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Big D and I Don't Mean Dallas

I will officially be divorced in like TWO WEEKS!!

Yes, finally!  Today we went to court for a settlement hearing and we were able to get all the details smoothed out without a hearing.  We started at the courthouse, but decided that it would be better to finish up and sign affidavits at his lawyer's office in the city.  We came to a decent settlement and I'm pretty happy.  I'm sure he's not, since he has to pay, but I feel nothing but relief because it has been so hard for us for the last nine months. 

Those nine months were needed though.  I needed them to set my priorities straight.  I needed them to see I could make things happen with nothing.  The kids needed them to rid them of their sense of entitlement.  It took us awhile, but we finally got comfortable being in a "tight spot" and we all handled it well.  I'm proud of us.  Now, my kids get excited when we eat out for dinner when before they expected it.  Now, they're happy when we rent a movie instead of expecting to go to the theater.  We simplified and are happier for it.

I just can't even express how happy I am to have this whole thing almost over.  I didn't cry once.  I got a little teary twice, but not a tear did I drop. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Being Still

One day when I was having one of my moments at work, a moment where I feel the whole world is falling down on me, and I just don't know if I can do this shit one more day, my co-worker, who has turned into a really great friend, said something that really stuck with me.  She was exasperated at my little freak out moment, and said in her sassy, black girl tone "Dang Sandi.  Just... BE STILL! Just be still and let Him do his work."

Be still.

Then Sunday at church, the choir sang a song called "Be Still" and it brought me comfort and drove my friends message home.

Be still.

Be. Still.

Even if you're not overly churchy, it's a good thought.  Be still and let nature takes it course,  Be still and let Karma do it's thang.  Be still and just listen.  Be still and wonder at the life you have.  Be still and love all those around you.  Be still and give thanks for everything and everyone in your life.  Be still and let God do what he will.

Be still.

Since then, I've tried to be still.  When my heart feels like it's going to pound out of my chest, and my forehead breaks out in a sweat.  When I start to worry about things I have no control over, when I worry about the what ifs, I take a deep breath and I say "Be still.  Be still.  Just, be still and quiet." and I am awash in calm.  I've found myself needing to say it less and less over the weeks.  I've stopped waking up in a panic.  I'm not lying when I say I would wake up with my heart pounding away in my chest from the stress and anxiety.  Before my feet even hit the floor to start my day, my heart rate was through the roof.  I seriously was worried I was going to have a heart attack. 

Being still is hard, but being still is sometimes the only thing  you can do.