Monday, October 10, 2011

The 34-Year-Old Single Mom

Over the weekend, I watched The 40-Year-Old  Virgin, and by "watched" I mean it was on keeping me company while I messed around on my laptop. 

The first time I watched this movie, really watched it, I'm talking, paid money to have the privelege of watching it at a theater, I was married.  Now, I'm not. So, I'm watching this movie, but not really watching it and I glance up and all of a sudden I sit up and think. "Woah! Woah! WHAT THE FUCK!?!  Is she introducing her kids to him right now?!?  Is she insane?!?"

Then, a bunch of other stuff from the movie comes back to me.  She barely knows this guy, and she asks him what time he's going to pick her up.  She has him over after the first date and he meets the first kid!  She introduces her littlest kid to him after like 4 dates.  Like, I'm sitting there, brain matter on my wall, because my mind is blown right then.

I realize that I might have a differing attitude than most women.  I realized after I  scraped the brain off my wall and put it back in that I've lived in his house for 10 months and never once, NEVER ONCE have I had a man over.  Now, granted I've been on out with like two people since being here, but my point is, I never make it an option.  No one, since I've become single has stayed the night at my house both here and in Virginia Beach (I did have two men over there, both had brief visits)   My KIDS live here you know?   After the guy has left and my kids come home from their dad's I just think they're going to be all "Damn mom.  It smells like ass and cat food in here.  Seriously?  What did YOU do this weekend?  I want to snuggle with you in bed but I don't want to catch your yuck.  Can you change your sheets, please?"

Let's face it, life would be SOOO much easier if I inroduced the kids to a guy I was dating early on.  That would clear up a lot of time for us to hang out.  On weekends I have them, you can come over and watch Disney channel with us and hang out.  On the weekends they're gone, we can do adult fun stuff.  My kids would probably be cool with it.  They took to their dad seeing someone else in stride.  They said it wasn't even weird for them.  They're always asking me if I've gone out on dates or if I have a boyfriend yet (The "yet" always kills me.)

I just can't do that to everyone involved.  It's hard enough to break it off with someone when it's just the two of you. Then you have these kids involved who now have this cool person in their lives and now that person is walking out the door.  Also, for the new person involved, meeting the kids is a big step and often I hear "I stayed a lot longer than I should have because of her kids."  I feel if you wait a bit, make sure that maybe this COULD be going somewhere, then you make that step.  I've heard stories about people waiting a year to introduce the kids. 

Some friends have tentatively brought up the fact that maybe I use the whole "no men over to my house or meeting the kids" thing to protect myself.  You know what?  Probably.  I'm in the protecting myself business and business is always good.   Also, I'm protecting them.  But, yeah I'm probably protecting myself more. 

I'm a pretty cautious person.  I don't believe in investing time, money and energy on something that I haven't researched the hell out of.   I will NEVER be one of those people that goes out and just BAM buys a car, or a dvd player, or a pair of shoes.  My last "impulse purchase" was a $5 hat, which I actually put back, but my mom rolled her eyes and told me I was being ridiculous.  So, it's not surprising that when it comes to who I bring into my life, into my kid's lives, I want to be careful. Take it slow, make sure it's right.  Once I do make up my mind that I want something, be it a car, a dvd player, shoes or a man I'm 100%  sure that's what I want and I move decisively and without looking back.

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