Sunday, October 9, 2011

Gray mist of ambiguity

I have many pet peeves in life.  I can't help it.  I'm just kind of surly that way.  I can't stand men who don't wear shirts while out and about doing daily life things, like mowing the grass, jogging, or tooling (literally, because they're tools) around town in their cars.  Swimming, sleeping, running out to get the mail, those are fine.  I also hate it when  people go on walks, and they're talking on their phone OR and this is another one, drinking a soda.  Like they have on their exercise clothes.  Their purpose was to burn calories.   I hate gum popping, finger snapping,  The list goes on and one.

If I know you though, I can pretty much forgive you anything.  My friend, Ren gave me some dating advice when I first became single.  She said if you start making excuses for them.. RUN.  The problem is though, I make excuses FOR EVERYONE.  I am not so black and white when it comes to the people I know and love.  I see the good and bad in every person and I try to love everyone unconditionally.  The reason I do this is because I know how I can be.  Once I've made up my that I'm tired of making excuses for you,  you've burned your bridge with me.  I'll continue to talk with you, and you might sense a change and you're not quite sure what it's about. Just know it will never be the same.

I hate not knowing where things stand.  I hate not knowing.. a lot. My biggest pet peeve.  I like things to be laid out for everyone involved.  You know how I feel, I know how you feel.  We can all move forward or we can all move on.  It's torturous for me to not know.  The pissiest I get is when I JUST DON'T KNOW.   What time are we meeting?  Whenever?  No, fuck that.  You have to TELL ME. I HAVE TO KNOW.  Because my brain can't function in the gray mist of ambiguity.   It could be that the people I'm dealing with really ARE that open minded about the situation at hand.  You want to come over at 4am?  Come on then.   I'm a recovering control freak and in my head, all the puppies in the world will get eaten by giant, robotic eagles if I am not given specifics.

This is why I suck at dating.

One of the quickest ways a man can burn his bridge with me is to leave me hanging. I can forgive you anything from horrible table manners to insulting my choice in shoes.  I will excuse make for you until the cows come home.   Leave me alone in the gray mist of ambiguity? Drives me insane.  Right off the bat I tell men "Look, if this isn't working out for you at any point. Let me know. Don't just run off and hide Just TELL ME." I get why men do that. Girls, are CRAZY. They've probably have had some girl burst into tears, threaten to kill their pet gerbil, and offer a blow job all at once in hopes that will make it all right again. I have a little more pride than that, I'll wait until I get in my car to cry, and I'll never, ever call you again.  I know better to want someone who has made it clear they don't want me.  That's the key.  Made it clear. 

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