Tuesday, October 18, 2011


My dad made a comment the other day that I must feel right at home with "all those girls".  He was referring to the J-O-B.  He said it and my natural instinct was to say "Nah, not really."  but, my dad did the impossible, I actually paused in my talking and thought and said, with something akin to shock in my voice "Yeah, yeah I do.  Very much"  My dad, is well my dad, and he doesn't really know how I am outside that little house.  He sees me with my mom and my sisters and how we're all BFF-y and stuff, so he just assumed I was comfortable around all women.

This, was not always the case.

I don't know. There was always something about me growing up that screamed "Hey, you popular girls.  Yeah! You!  Yes! With the cool hair and effortless style.... hey.. could you, I don't know?  Terrorize me?"  I reeked of "victim" and let me tell you, girls can smell it miles away.   They're like wolves closing in on a kill.  Girls never work one on one, like boys do.  They work in packs and they will eviscerate you at the slightest whiff of weakness.  I learned very early on that girls should be avoided at all cost. 

Over time, I developed a hard shell to combat other girls.  My whole high school career was spent acting like I didn't care about having friends and shunning any attempt made.  In grade school I was picked on so much, I couldn't allow myself to put myself out there, not realizing I was entering a school where my class had 1,000 kids in it, and that if Betty BoobsAlot  didn't like me, maybe Maggie Mae McJiggletits would.  You don't think about that when you're school life was spent with like the same four girls every year.

 (Random aside, apparently on my phone I've used the term "McJiggletits" before and now my phone wants to auto-correct  anything that starts with Mc to "McJiggletits.  This is my life, folks.  Don't hate.) 

When entering a new school where no one knows you, you have two choices.  You try your damndest to assimilate and make friends and be all YAY FRIENDS! or you can walk around like your shit don't stank and looking down your nose at everyone, and I did just that.  I never pined for friends or anything. Remember, I never really had any, so I didn't know what I was missing.  It was easier to just not have any.  I still get people coming up to me all these years later (and by coming up, I mean like... messaging me on Facebook) telling me how mean I was.  It's kind of embarrassing.

My social circle was the friends that my ex had. He has always been a social creature and I kind of hated that about him.  Because I was so fucking emo before there was such a thing, and I was like "No we SHUN societal norms like friendship and good times and chain restaurants.  We do cool things like wear berets and wear black and snap our fingers at poetry slams because we're too fucking COOL to clap and we then we have dirty, nasty sex." 

I guess I've always been a bit of a hipster.  Shit.

All his friends were, of course, dudes and I was comfortable with that.  Guys are just so fucking honest.  They call each other names, they talk about bullshit that's not life altering.  They never say shit like "Oh My God. No one talk to Bob today ok?  He KNEW I wanted that ball cap and I was saving up the money for it and he went and BOUGHT IT." or anything like that.  They had simple life goals.  They just wanted to smoke and fight and fuck and skip school and hang out at that Burger King on Grand. 

Those same guys suddenly settled down and got girlfriends who eventually turned to wives, and it was hard on me.  It was hard to tread that line.  You don't want to offend the girls, but these were my friends and I wanted to be able to call them  names and make jokes without pissing anyone off.  I was resentful that it was expected of me to now not hang out with my friends, but with their wives just because we had the same plumbing.  I didn't want to talk about cleaning products and diaper cream. 

As I've gotten older though, I find myself hanging more with the ladies.  I realize now that we're adults, that cattiness is still there, but it's not nearly as prevelant as it was when we were kids.  I finally have girlfriends I can call and gossip and laugh with.  Although, my very best friend is a guy, he's really the only guy friend I've held on to over the years.  I have found a lot of girls out there like ME who were picked on, and those girls usually end up being pretty cool.

So, yes dad.  Being at work with the girls is all kinds of fun, and even though I don't regret all these years without girlfriends, because it has made me the person I am, I will most definitely enjoy them now.   

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