Thursday, January 6, 2011

It's All In the Timing

Life is starting to slowly become my happy fun time place again. Ok, well not really. Since X is in another state, I have these whackadoo kids almost constantly. I love them, but there is one thing people don't really discuss about kids and it's how freaking repetive they are. I get asked the same questions on a daily basis, I get shown the same drawings/wounds/games/videos/cartoons over and over or they want to talk about one thing continuously. HEAVEN FORBID I get irked, because then it's all wounded puppy dog faces and crocodile tears.

Today, I got to go grocery shopping alone, and I felt like I was high. I was all WOOHOO I get to go to Shop N Save all alone? Hot damn.

I do miss my life back in VA. Today I referred to Virginia Beach as "back home" when talking to someone and I guess that's true. Honestly, it was the first place that felt like home to me. Sure, I love St. Louis and it's crazy ways, but Virginia felt like mine you know? At one point it felt like "ours". Tony and I had said we'd never move back and live in St. Louis. That we'd miss our friends and family, but St. Louis was no longer "us" and we liked the East Coast. I dreaded moving back.

Now, though I've been here for three weeks and it doesn't even FEEL like three weeks, it feels like one, yet it feels like longer too. Hard to explain, but I'm taking it as a good sign. That life flew by me so quickly that I barely had time for much moaning about being back (because this is ME and you know, I did some complaining and eye rolling) yet, I feel comfortable enough that it seems like I never left. That's a good thing. Whenever I came back before, even when we lived here for five years and had a child here, I still felt like a visitor. Probably because we knew we'd leave eventually, and we always had one foot out the door. I'm ready for roots baby, something I haven't had since I left the first time around.

Everything happens for a reason. Look at the situation at hand. My sister needed someone to live here, I needed a place to stay. Both my sisters have moved out of state leaving my mother all alone. She lived for those two and my dad. Our timing on coming back was perfect. She has spent nearly every day since the 1st with at least one of us at her side. I guess it's our turn to be with mom and honestly, I need it. I didn't know it until this second. I've been gone since I was 21. I'm 34 now and all alone trying my best. I need her support at this time in my life and she's given it without wavering. It was HER idea that she came back this evening, clean up Jonny's bedroom and she told me to go without the kids shopping because she knew they hated going and I could use the quiet. She's cracked the whip around here when I just couldn't do it anymore.

Just before I sat down to write this, I went downstairs to restart the dryer (Damn jeans) and turn off the lights and straighten up before bed, and sitting there was the second load of laundry I did today, all folded up neatly in the basket. I was going to fold them when I went down there. Who needs a husband when you have mom?

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