Monday, September 6, 2010

Still Debating If Thirteen is Lucky or Unlucky

Today would have been my 13th wedding anniversary. I guess legally it still is, but emotionally it isn't. I realized this last night laying in bed with the kids at my friends house. I had gone there to hang out for the evening, and although I only had one beer, and was ok to drive, I had a blinding headache and opted to stay the night instead. As I was laying there with both kids, having a bit of an argument with my guy friend (it wasn't meant to be one, but you know how it goes) and I looked at the phone and it was past midnight so officially the 6th of Sept.

I kind of laid there, answering texts here and there, headache pounding in my head, kids fighting over space and I felt like I could cry. I didn't, but I was almost there. I think it was a combination of stress, pms, argument with guy friend, and headache that made me a bit more vulnerable in that moment. I finally managed to go to sleep without crying.

I woke up this morning, headache gone, and went downstairs and was greeted by the smell of Wayne cooking breakfast for everyone like he does every weekend. I started to make myself some coffee, feeling more at home at Wayne and Mel's than I do in my own, and I told them that today was supposed to be my anniversary. Wayne being the smart ass he is, yelled cheerfully "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!" I laughed and shook my head.

Thinking about it doesn't make me as sad as I expected to be. Even though last night there was a moment of sadness after it got quiet, I realize that had Tony not left me, I wouldn't have been surrounded by my friends, laying in bed in their home with my two kids making up our own sign language in the dark. That not only have I made new friends with Wayne and Mel, I have been accepted by all their friends with open arms. Last night Mel's sister in law made up the bed for me since my head hurt and it touched my heart.

It is sad though that a marriage had to end, my marriage had to end but it happened and dwelling on it doesn't change anything. I just have to keep moving forward and just trust that good things will continue to come my way.

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