Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Geez. I don't even know where to start. First of all, my hands are shaking in excitement for two reasons. One, I got a new laptop while here in St. Louis and it's AMAZING, the second reason is because I've had this new laptop for almost 2 weeks now and I've had NO INTERNET access. I know!! Woe is freaking me!! I finally caved and am now sitting at St. Louis Bread Company having a salad and half a sandwhich and playing with my new toy. Shiny!! Me likey shiny!!

I've had a few emotional days here and there this past week. Coming home to St. Louis has really brought the reality of my situation to the forefront. I feel like I've gone on an emotional bender. Crying to the point of vomitting. Being emotionally needy. Getting another tattoo totally on a whim. I've gone from wanting to move here, to wanting to stay in Va, to getting a tattoo, to emailing Tony that I want him to have the kids for a year while I get my shit together. I'm all over the fucking place.

Today, I feel a little more grounded. Sometimes, I think you have to go through some crazy to get to the good. My decision is to just to go with the flow. One day at a time. There is not hard and fast rule that says I have to do anything. My gut tells me not to go with that house I found, and I'm going with my gut. It hasn't failed me yet. I just feel like life is fixing to do something major and I just need to wait for it. Just WAIT and accept what comes my way. Sometimes waiting is the best and only option.

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