So, yeah found out Tony, or someone he knows, reads this. To quote Tony "Don't make me look like a bacwards retard that can't even tie my own shoes." Fair enough. I get where he is coming from. At the end of the day though, this is my "space" so to speak and I write this to help me deal. Oh and to feed my ego because it's always hungry. Nom nom nom. I think most people realize there are two sides to a story and blah blah blah. This happens to be my bitter half and maybe one day Tony will start his own "Why my ex sucks donkey balls" blog one day. Fingers crossed people, fingers crossed.
Finally back from St. Louis. Half of me still feels there. I'm torn. There are pros and cons to both areas to live in. I just don't know what to do, so again I choose nothing. I know that doesn't seem very proactive but it feels right and that's all I can say about that. I wait and hope an answer comes to me soon. One way or another. Either through a dream (hopefully I'm a zombie in the dream rawr) or in some kind of cool psychedelic epiphany or umm... maybe a letter? I don't know. However answers like these come about, I'll be waiting here for it to find me. Or, I'll get tired of waiting and just say "Fuck this" and do something totally rash and ruin my life. Awesome.
My life, on a side note is actually all kinds of crazy. Even though I call it crazy, it's been crazy fun. I'm living a life I never dreamed I'd live full of tattoos, red highlights, vodka waters and hookahs. And people. People who fill my days with laughter and entertainment. The sound of the "ding ding" of an incoming text is now a regular sound in my life, and usually it's someone who wants to make me giggle. Old friends and new ones all have been discovered and rediscovered. Long forgotten friendships have been rekindled, lukewarm friendships have been given a new boost and the new friendships are well, just that new. Hell, I'm even friends with my nemesis of 17 years.
For years I thought of myself as kind of an antisocial person. Unable to make and maintain friendships. I have found this to be untrue. The amount of friends I do have is actually staggering! From my online ladies who I've known for years to the guy who did my tattoo a few weeks ago. Sure, they're all on different levels of friendship ( I couldn't call tattoo guy crying about my period or anything) but they're friendships just the same. I feel really blessed to know that so many people care. I used to think I was unlovable and unlikeable. I see that's not the case at all. That has helped me more than anything.