Yeah you read that right.
Yes, people. That is the truth. For now.
I realize that can change. I'm human. I still get sad, but I never really get sad over HIM. I get sad about leaving my home because for 11 years I lived with white walls and beige carpet. Finally.. FINALLY!! got to paint and pick and choose what goes in my house and now I must leave and live in a place with white walls and beige carpet once again.
I get sad when I think of the people I'll leave behind. My little bus stop crew and Cindy, Brecken and Larkin. The kids in the 'hood who call out "Hi Miss Sandi" when they see me.
I get sad when I think about how next year was going to be THE year. The first year both kids were in school full time and I could concentrate on volunteering and going to field trips. Now, I'll be a working mom trying to fit everything on my plate.
I get sad when I think about my kids growing up in a broken home.
I get sad knowing that he gets the cats.
I get sad because I feel like I failed at the one thing I was kind of good at.
So, yeah I get sad. I get choked up. Sometimes I even have to fight back the tears. Not because of losing him, but for all the little indignities that come along with a divorce.
With each negative though, I remind myself of a positive.
Yes, I will have to move to a new home, but it will be MINE. It will no one elses choice but my own. I get a bed to myself, no facial hair in the sink, and no uniform on my end table. EVER AGAIN.
Yes, I'm leaving people behind, but I'm coming home to many too. People I've known my whole life and who I love dearly.
Yes, I will have to work but that opens up a slew of new people to meet. Have work friends. Find some other single ladies and go dancing and get free drinks from men.
Yes, my kids will living in a broken home but a happy home with a happy mom and yes, a happy dad. Grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins nearby.
Yes, he'll get the cats but I get the dogs. They poop and pee outside.
No, I did not fail at the one thing I was good at. I'm good at a lot more than being someone's wife. Now I get to show that side of me as well.
I am strong. That sounds incredibly vain I know but it's the truth. A friend once said "Fire can forge steel or melt butter." Truer words have never been spoken.