Monday, February 21, 2011

But Time Makes You Bolder, Children Grow Older, and I'm Getting Older, Too

Life has been good. I'm kind of amazed by what I am and am not worried about. Actually, right now I'm not worried about MUCH and that's always good. Sure, I have worries, everyone does, but right now, there aren't that many.

Work has been keeping me busy, and that's both a blessing and a curse. I enjoy it and it, and I like feeling productive again. The problem is that even when I was a stay at home mom, I was never a good housekeeper, but the laundry was always done. Now, I'm swimming in laundry, my house is a mess, I have to pay bills, and be a mom too. I know eventually I'll get my rhythm, but right now it can be daunting. Especially when I get home and all I want to do is get into my comfy clothes and veg.

Yesterday was dedicated to my children, and we had a good time. We haven't been able to do much because of money. I still don't have any extra, but my sister in law and her husband decided for the kids birthday's we would all go to Incredible Pizza. They paid for all three of us to eat, and I even got a $10 dollar play card for myself. Tony's parent's were there, and they got the kids more cards to play. I put an extra 10 on my card so that was all I spent and I swear we were there a good three hours!! It was really nice of them. They had been asking if I was going to do a birthday thing for the kids and I finally told them I couldn't afford it. I can't have people over for a party where they're going to give my children gifts and not have food for them. Sure, I could have done just cake and ice cream, but it just seemed rude to have them drive the 30 minutes here for cake and ice cream and then leave you know?

We all had such a good time, and even though me and their brother/son are divorcing, they still treat me as one of the family. I know that will likely change when Tony moves here, so I'll enjoy their company while I can.

The funny thing about yesterday is I spent the majority of the time by myself! It was amazing! Now that my kids are older, they don't need me to be there watching them like a hawk. They had their cousins with them, so Aisy went off with Kara and Jonny went off with Chris, and I was left to wander around and stalk the Guitar Hero machine every chance I got. Then near the end, we all met up and played mini bowling and then Jonny and I played three games of air hockey (He can finally reach!) and I was so proud that he didn't care if he loss, he just liked playing with me. Then he and I headed toward the racetrack and took a spin on the go carts.

Like I said yesterday, you couldn't pay me to have a baby right now. I sometimes wonder if that will change if I ever get in a serious relationship with anyone, but honestly, I don't think it will. First of all, I'm 34 and that's when your eggs are officially "old" and even though I've lost weight, I still have my myriad of health issues that only get worse with pregnancy. Jonny was 10 lbs at 38 weeks. Lord knows how big a baby I would have the third time around. My body couldn't handle it.

We're all getting used to the working. Right now the one who seems to be taking it the hardest is Louie. He gets progressively worse as the morning goes on. Trying to run out the door every chance he gets. Friday he ran out, and tried to jump in the car with me. He does't like it. Then when I get home, all he wants to do is be with me. He jumps up so high that I can catch him mid jump. He's torn a shirt doing that. As soon as I sit down, he's in my lap and in my face and I usually get upset. He's had me home all day since we brought him home. He'll get used to it.

Today I paid bills and I was like "Youch!" but then I realized.. hey! I get paid on Friday! So, you know it definitely has it's perks.

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