Stuff

Life has been a literal blur for the last few weeks. It seems to be settling down somewhat and that's always a good thing.

I had a revelation the other day that was freeing. I can get rid of ALL THIS STUFF!! All this SHIT I've hated or disliked or never really needed. I can fucking chuck it, and with it, my old life.

It's funny how when you're unhappy (even unknowingly) we feel the need to ADD to your life when in reality what you really need to do is detract from it, like that dick head you're married to who is a fucking cheater.

Ahem.

I can look back now and see I had a fucked up QVC addiction. That I used home remodeling as an excuse to get this, that or the other thing. For two months I lamented over not getting my stuff. Once the stuff got here, I was all "YAY STUFF!!" Yet, I've not opened the majority of the boxes. The stuff I needed? That truly mattered? It came with me here in the car. My kids, my dogs, my Keurig, my laptop, and our clothes. Even the kids haven't felt a pressing need to get toys out of boxes or find some lost precious.

I felt obligated to keep all this stuff. It was MY STUFF damn it and I need to keep it. One day I was sitting here in the living room, with all this stuff shoved into this little room and thought, why the hell am I keeping this ugly fucking sectional? I hated it since we bought it. It's mine since I got all the stuff, so I'm going to get rid of it. Donate it or just throw it out or something. Once I had that thought, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I realize that I'm in a lucky position. I'm living in a fully furnished home. My sister will be coming home with newer things, so I can keep the couch she left behind if I want it, or save for a new one when I move. I can own things that were never his or ours. I can own my own things. That I picked out. That I didn't have to compromise on.

That right there is freedom.