Saturday, February 12, 2011

So, Yeah. I'm Not In the Best of Moods.

I've probably sat down here a few times to write a nice blog post about something, but I get a few sentences in, think "No one wants to read this shit" and then I exit out. Sometimes, I forgot that I'm not writing for the four of you that read, I need to remember that when I write a post, it's cathartic. Maybe if I had written down something in this past week, I wouldn't be the weepy mess I've been.

Seriously, God damn I've cried a ton this week. It's just so not like me. Honestly, if it hadn't been 8 or so weeks since the last time I've had sex, I'd probably be running to the store for a pee stick. Like right now? I could cry. Why? I have no fucking clue.

I mean, yeah. Ok. I started a new job this week, but you know what? I love it! I LOOOOVE IT! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it. I <3 <3<3<3<3<3<3 it. I want my job to be my fucking Valentine that how much I am loving my job. Give me a few months and I'll probably be all "Oh fuck this shit" but right now, working is my total BFF that I totally want to make out with and give it a ring and everything.

Maybe it's the adjustment of it all. Kids have been acting up more than usual, I feel guilty that my mom has to help out so much, although it's kind of cool for my mom to see that life with Aislinn isn't that easy. I think sometimes my family thinks I am too hard on her, or not nice enough to her, and they're probably right mostly. Yet, they usually see the sweet Aisy, the one that is so good and calm and sweet. So, when we're all together and she gets a bit too loud and I immediately jump on it knowing it could escalate if not curbed, I kind of get the "Let her be a kid speech."

My mom got to experience the screaming, moody, door slamming, brother hating kid the other day and was completely bewildered. She was like "I don't get it, I picked her up and she was already PISSED OFF. She came home, and started screaming at Jonny non stop... FOR NOTHING. Seriously, Sandi FOR NOTHING. What he's not allowed to speak?" When I just kind of shrugged, she got even more frantic.. "No she was SCREAMING at him to shut up shut up shu up over and over again." I finaly said "That's how she is all the time mom. Everday, from th moment she gets up to the moment we go to bed. That's why I'm always aggravated with her."

Also, Valentine's day, believe it or not is bothering me! I've never even really been into Vday. But, just knowing there are good men out there wanting to make their women happy, when my husband cheated on me. Not only did the asshat cheat on me, he now has a girlfriend and is happy in love. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN?

So, that's my deal. It sucks. I miss my sisters, I miss my friends in Virginia. I feel kind of jerked around by some people and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the snow.

So, yeah.

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