Monday, August 23, 2010

Positivity Lacking

As much as Tony doesn't want to believe this, I do not want this to turn into a Tony bashing blog. Honestly. It's to chronicle my journey into my new life as a smokin' hot single mom. Oh yeah, I said smokin' hot. There's no shame in my game. Losing 36 lbs helps with the ole ego as you can see. Don't worry, I don't walk around acting like a total bitch. I'm still kind of shy, insecure and I still at times feel hopelessly unattractive. See, normal.

Anyway, that is why I haven't written much, or should I say, posted much. There are a few angry drafts that I refuse to post because I am trying really hard to make this positive. Sure, it's funny to read about my Ex being an R-Tard as I fill the page with scathing similies and malicious metaphors, but he IS the father of my children and honestly, he makes everything about him anyway, and I just need one little section of my life that is about me and what I'm going through. He's already using this as a way to victimize himself. "Can I ask you about XYZ without you posting about it in your blog?" See what I mean? I get that once a week.

So, positivity, positivity.... it's been in short supply as of late. Well, he's been really good about taking the kids which has freed my time to go out with a man. A man. Just one, and it's not the usual fuck and run I have been doing since my seperation. It was SUPPOSED to be, but we both have a lot in common. I'm not saying I'm in LOVE, but I enjoy spending time with him and we make each other laugh, AND he lets me talk as much as I want without checking his phone or spacing out or anything. Honestly, if I were him, those are things I would do. I would be all "Ooooh Bejeweled Blitz!" if I were him. Wait.. I think I did that a few weekends while at Mel's. I have ADD I can't help it? (Love ya, Mel!)

Anyway, just saying, got a like a man who sits you down to show you an awesome video game,and then let's you play it while he watches and helps. When I told my sister that, she asked if he at least bought me shoes before forcing me to play a video game. So, yeah she's not into video games. What is fun to me, is torture to her and vice versa. I love the look of high heels, but good Lordy I avoid wearing them as much as possible.
The children seem to enjoy spending time with their dad at his bachelor pad. He lives with three other guys and they are all nice guys from the crew Tony is in and I knew two of them before teh seperation, so I feel comfortable the kids being there. I got to check out the house the other day and beside the the picture of the woman wearing the thong, ass to camera and with the words "Bad Ass" you see as soon as you walk in, it's very nice and normal. The kids seemed comfy there, Jonny going to one of the guys room, knocking and yelling "Hey Daniel! Are you getting dressed?!?". It was very cute.

Soon, the move is happeneing. As of right now, all I'm taking is clothes, my dogs, kids and coffee pot. Oh and probably my desk top and of course my laptop and Wii. You know.. the important shiz. Tony is setting up the allotment today and our seperation agreement is being drafted and should be ready this week.

After all is said and done, I'm ready to be over and done with this all. I still feel like Tony and I are too emeshed and I don't want that anymore. I want to seperate FULLY and leave it at that. I'm ready to move on, and I accept it all with open heart and arms.

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