Friday, May 28, 2010

Who knew?

Who Knew

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh, that's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
?Cause they're all wrong

I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?

I still have moments of sadness and it makes me mad sometimes that I can still get upset. Peopple say that it's not even been three months and to cut myself some slack. For the most part I have handled this all pretty well, that I need to expect that after 12 years of marriage and 17 years of togetherness I'm going to have small bouts of sadness. The above song made me cry today on the highway. Compleletey unexpected and I was so upset with myself that I allowed some dumb song to bring me down. I had a similiar instance on tv where a vow renewal scene made me feel like I had been punched in the gut.

It has recently come to light that Tony had an affair three months after our wedding. When first confronted with the fact that I was about to find out his dirty little secret, instead of coming clean and telling me the truth 100%, he once again chose to lie. He claimed he had a 1 night drunken stand. I found out otherwise.

At first, I felt ill. I cried. I wondered had he ever loved me? Was I just a mistake he thought he could outrun by joining the Navy because he never thought I would follow? Was he kicking himself when he realized I was willing to go anywhere for him? It's some straight Dr. Phil/Maury shit and it makes me angry.

I used to say all the time that if Tony hadn't joined the Navy, I don't know if we'd be legally married. It wasn't important to me. I didn't understand how a piece of paper made you "more committed" than a couple without one. This used to upset Tony. He always said the act of marriage was special and that things change when you get married. The irony is he cheated and I didn't. Like I said.. that piece of paper doesn't mean shit.

No comments:

Post a Comment