Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Broke the Dude Fast. Sorta.

Last night I was in sinus pain hell, and I was in bed watching tv when my phone buzzes.  My phone always buzzes.  Between texts, Facebook, Words with Friends, and various other apps, it's a wonder the battery doesn't drain a lot faster. 

It was a Plenty of Fish message.  Now, when I get a PoF message, I get excited but not for the reason you think.  Pure entertainment value on my part.  Seriously.  I check them because I figure either I'm going to laugh at their pathetic attempt to woo me (Hello, or Hey, you're hot or, What's up, Sexy?)  be mildly disturbed by their message or profile, or I can laugh at their pictures.  Something.  Or it could someone that's kind of cool and something could come of it.  Usually not.  I've only met two decent guys on there (And come to think of it, those two guys I've had the longest encounters with. Hmmm) and I'm still on my dude fast, and my face hurt and I needed a giggle.

It was a guy that had messaged me when I first moved here.  He has your typical jaded, why am I not with anyone yet and I'm sick of this shit, profile.  A long lists of things he DOESN'T WANT and he WILL NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS and when you read his profile he pretty much knocks out most women that would be in our age group.  It's super long and rambling and he attempts to sound super intelligent, he's balding, has a goatee and looks all around kind of creepy.  He's a Scorpio, which is a big hells to the nah, ya'll,  and he's just unpleasant.  My thing is, if you can't even be pleasant in your DATING PROFILE, well I'm sure being around you is a joy, pure bliss.

So, even though I am on my dude fast, I messaged him back, and politely told him we had exchanged messages before and it did not go well, and I hoped he had a good night. (I didn't really hope he had a good night, that's just something you say in polite society,)  I assumed he didn't remember as it had been almost a year.  When I got his message the first time, I pretty much shot him down from the jump because of his profile.  I explained to him that his profile seemed negative and that wasn't something I was looking for in my life, and he then sent me a rambling manifesto on why I was incorrect in my assumption.  I just responded something snarky like oh yeah, because this message proves to me exactly why my assumptions are incorrect.  To which he proceeded to send me 2 more messages despite me not replying anymore, trying to convince me, quite poorly, I might add, on why I should date him.

See?  Pure entertainment.  Because you know I told everyone about that shit.

Here's the thing.  When I mentioned that we had spoken before, thinking he hadn't remembered me.  HE HAD.  He knew exactly who I was, and said that he didn't think our conversation to be all that bad.  Wow, sir.  Just. WOW.  Which would mean, if he does the typical PoF thing, then he has probably sent a bunch of messages, and out of all of his encounters, mine was one of the better ones.  I didn't bother to reply.  This guy will be lonely forever because he can't make allowances, as per his profile.

After I've read his last message, I start looking at my matches. Again, I'm on a dude fast and therefore I shouldn't even be ON this site, but my face hurt and I always like to giggle.  So, there you go.  '

One guy kind of catches my eye.  Tall, glasses, red head.  Older than me, has kind of a hipster vibe.  I was tempted. So tempted.  But, then my list came into play and smacked him down in my head.  He has a goatee, he wears a ball cap in every picture, he has two pictures of himself holding an alcoholic beverage.  Blah blah blah.  One or two of those things I could handle.  But, three? Four?  I move on.

I'm no better than Mr. Rude Guy.

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