Somethng interesting happened to me the other night, something that took me quite by surprise.
I turned off the light, turned off the television, get snuggled in under my covers, my usual bed buddies with me, laptop, phone and extra pillow to block out the morning sun, all within reach for when I needed them.
It was dark, it was cool, it was..... lonely.
I was struck by a momentary pang of loneliness. For the first time in almost two years, my bed felt empty. I had the thought that having someone to lay next to wouldn't be such a bad thing. That maybe, having someone to reach over and touch would be kind of nice.
A friend of mine recently got divorced and he had a hard time adjusting to sleeping alone. I honestly did not understand his point of view on this especially considering he spent the last few months sleeping on the couch in the basement. He'd say "Man this bed is so big, I hate this." and I'd think, damn what a cry baby. If it's too big, sleep diagonal just because you can, man! Sleep spread eagle, sleep fucking sideways. OWN IT. BASK in it, learn to LOVE being in a BED ALONE. Because I know I did.
Maybe because I slept with *gag* a snuggler for so many years, I was all too willing to sleep alone. Maybe because I was a miliary spouse, I was used to it. Maybe I'm just a cold hearted bitch and insanely selfish. I'm all about personal space in general, especially when I'm ready to sleep. Maybe I'm just ok with being alone in general and I never saw sleeping alone as anything out of the ordinary. It just wasn't something I missed... until that moment that came quickly and passed just as quickly, but yet it stuck with me and made me think.
In that quick moment, I felt a longing I hadn't experienced in a long time. Instead of making me said though, it made me feel.. alive and kind of normal. Believe it or not, it was rather cool.