Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Ramblings of a Tired White Woman. Or Korean. Whatever

Because this girl finna vent.

I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm tired AND lonely. I know that this time is a much needed time to heal and focus on the kids and myself and my job and my other job and my houswork and maybe getting around to unpacking those boxes.

But, damn it. It sucks. It sucks harder than.... that's how hard it is, my brain is so fried, I can't even come up with a funny anology. It sucks harder than a whore. There. That's all I got.

I will say this though, I am more TIRED than I am lonely. I'm sure the tired part kind of overpowers the lonely by default. I'm at times, just too damn tired to care about trying to find a meaningful and long lasting relationship. Yet I find myself thinking about it a lot lately.

I'm done with flings. I'm ready for a connection. That spark, that something special. That one I want my parents to meet, the one I want to introduce my sisters to, the one that goes with me to hang out with my friends. The one I can take to a wedding if I needed to and not feel funny about it.

THAT one. You know, you all have either had it or have it now.

I'm not looking to get married or anything. Just you know, that sweet little thing that comes along and makes life just THAT much better.

But, I can't focus on that now, and no matter how much I want it, I don't feel like finding it right now. I want to be all lazy and have it find me, and maybe it will. It does feel right what I'm doing now. Just chilling and being me and focusing on my kids. So, really I'm not too worried about.

But, I am.

Does that make sense?

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